Monday, September 29, 2008

The Prodigal Bum...

Dear fellow bloggers,


Since August 8, 2008, much has happened in my world. In those 53 days since I last wrote anything here an infinite amount of world events, have transpired. And even while being aware of this I felt as if only one thing of note had happened. As a result of it, I lost the direction I thought I had in life. I lost my creative spark. I lost my my confidence. I was laid off, which is something I never thought would happen to me for some reason. So, I'm no longer in radio, and I just don't see any real future in journalism. Bills are piling up. Applications keep going out, and I wait for a ringtone that never comes. I know...more important things have happened in the world. Boo-hoo, right?

Since August 8, over 19 million lives began, while over 7.8 million individual stories completed their final earthly chapter. Approximately 4.24 billion barrels of oil have been consumed worldwide. A fair share of this leaked out of my Pontiac onto my landlord's driveway. Despite of, or perhaps spurred by unspeakable ugliness in a world of abject poverty and trillion dollar economies, there's always time for frivolity. An average of 3.1 gallons of beer has been consumed per person worldwide since my last entry. And in my ongoing funk, I have personally done everything possible to make sure that every man, woman and child on earth statistically looks like a suds-swilling drunk. That's not a point of pride.

Certainly not my finest days...

I'm not writing this to inspire pity; only to illustrate my mind state during what has been during a truly tough period for me. This is honestly and truthfully, the very first time I have logged into this website since the last comment I wrote back in early August. Just prior to my vanishing act, I was down about my job and spent much of the time I would spend writing to look for a better situation. Fate provided me a hilarious cure for malcontentedness. My radio station was dissolved. The news was broken unceremoniously and suddenly. And company stock jumped three quarters of a point. I always wanted to use this blog as a vehicle to inspire laughter and original thought...not to lament personal failures. I didn't want to write bummer entries like this, and that's the reason I'm literally on a digital milk carton (very impressive work, Sus).

I don't know what I want to do anymore. My boss told me this type of thing will happen again if I try to stay in radio. Much of the same is going on in the newspaper industry. I wrote a post a while back about considering other lines of work, and now I have no choice but to do just that. To be honest, it's a scary situation; not knowing what you're gonna do with your life. Everything seems different after the really big plans don't pan out. It happens to most folks, I suppose.

I promise it won't be another 53 days until I write again. I also promise this dreary edition - which is my first outright bummer post - will be my last of that sort. I'm working hard to get things going and come out of this better than before. And I will. For those of you that checked and wondered or even left comments of concern, thanks. So many of you write such wonderful stories, and believe it or not, you became as much a typically anticipated part of my day as that first cup of hot coffee. Maybe looking at life through a perspective other than my own would be good for me. I know the past 53 days have felt like a lifetime in terms of what I've been missing.

Sorry this wasn't more entertaining. I'm not quite there yet.



Heather said...

OK look. I never understood why people try to compare their personal life to "the world" in general. Yes, worse things have happened than a person losing their job, but for you, it's more than that. It's personal and you have a right to be hurt and disappointed and scared by it. I would be. And hell yeah, I'd be posting about it and letting everybody read about it. I originally thought I just wanted my blog to be all sweetness and light, laughter and entertainment, too, and then I realized that I have friends out there who's lives I read about (such as you) and who read about mine. We all know life isn't always just the good stuff. If you want to write about it, you should. I want to know how you're doing - the good stuff and the bad. You may find that writing about it and having people to "talk" to about it might help you immensely. It's kind of like a little community, with a support system. We laugh at each others foibles, cry for each others misfortunes, and offer whatever advice we can. You are a part of it anyway, you may as well allow yourself to enjoy it. We've been wondering where you went off to, and in this "world" anything could have happened to you, and we'd never know. That can be heartbreaking.

LilSass said...

Holy shit Heather, you get the award for leaving the most loving supportive message and stealing the words out of my mouth and the thoughts out of my heart basically because you wake up way earlier than I do.


Aub, I have been SO worried. Yeah, it's weird that we 'worry' about people we've never met and as Heather said, it coulda been worse - resulting in your actual disappearance or injury or whatever. I digress .....
What happens in YOUR world is important and it doesn't have to be catastrophic in order to be given the "right" to bitch about it.

And again, Heather has said it all. Coming here may provide hope and guidance and reassurance. And if you have been reading us in your absence, you know we've all got shit going on too.

I am so, so sorry to hear of this 1/4 life crisis. I can only imagine what it feels like to have the rug ripped out from under you. If it's any help, rush out and get "What Should I Do With my Life" by Po Bronson. It's a great book about people who make these kinds of tough decisions and follow their dreams.

I know zilch about journalism but I DO know that you've got cheerleaders here that can help get you out of bed more effectively than you think AND that you will find your way. I don't know which way, but I know you'll find it.

I will remove my milk carton from my site now. Welcome back my dear. Use this place as your avenue to process and heal.

April said...

See Brother, I told you it'd be good for you. Everyone needs a little support sometimes and it looks like you have plenty of people here who are in your corner. Don't shut others out. And remember what I always tell you...think positive thoughts/no moping! You're going to end up right where you are SUPPOSED TO BE...

Miss Grace said...

I'm glad you decided to come back :)

Badass Geek said...

Shit, man. This definately is a tough situation to be in, and I've been there before, too. You'll get through this, and you'll be better for it.

I'm with everyone else... We're all here for you, main.

Aub said...

@Heather: Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it and your insight is dead-on. God, I hate being a male cliche...It hurts to admit it when I don't have things all under control. Sorry about bailin' without warning. Thanks again.

@Sass: I'm so sorry if I caused any worry. I honestly haven't been on the network this whole time. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep myself from commenting, and I just didn't want temptation to hint at my own situation. I have serious pride issues. Realizing that people really care is extremely overwhelming for me. Thank you.

@Sis: Thank you for everything you've done for me. Love ya.

@Grace: Thanks, Red. It's nice to be back here. =)

@Badass: Thanks, man. Much appreciated. Hope all is well.

Lola said...

Well, since I'm always late, the gang has covered it all pretty much, and I completely agree.

It's a suck-ass situation, and it's got to be very scary. I'm sorry that you have to go through it, but the best things do grow out of shit sometimes you know.

So glad you're back and that you weren't in a hospital somewhere or worse. I say write it out. We all bitch up a storm in our little corner of the web, so don't worry about it.

Wasn't that milk carton genius?

Aub said...

@Lola: Thanks, Lola. I'm working on squeezing these lemons. I'll come up with something eventually. Tryin' way to hard to appear unflappable, I suppose. As if anyone actually thought I was something beyond human. Smiles and cries are in everyone's future. And the milk carton was definitely genius.

AnnaC said...

welcome back... I think in a crazy not very nice way this is a blessing ... not the way they sprung it on you or the fact that it feels like your life coming apart at the seams, but in the kick in the pants to get out there and find something to employ your time that you actually enjoy.

From several of your last posts, it was clear that you were desperately unhappy at the radio station ... journalism in the traditional sense is definitely going through some serious growing pains -- but there is an entire digital world to explore.

I am sure that you will happen upon the right answer in the very near future -- in the meantine, can you help me figure out how to fill out the unemployment forms??!

One last request... can you post a link to the milk carton? somehow I missed it.

Aub said...

AnnaC: Thanks Anna. I'm trying to look at it as a hidden blessing. Hopefully things will take shape soon. I feel your pain on the unemployment forms. They sure are thorough, aren't they. Just make sure you have your W-2s available for 2007 and 2006 for the income calculations. Several of our fellow bloggers have posted the milk carton. Click on Lilsass's link and look in the lower right border to see my 'missing' notice. It's pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

Hey Aub. I'm so glad you're back. Seriously...I had just started reading your 'catnip' and then you were gone.
There are been many good words shared and I give you the same.
I've been so amazingly flat out scary broke with no end in site before and can tell you that I know it's not good. And it's also temporary.
I hope you will keep posting. It would be really nice to keep giving support. And I feel positive you'll get your groove back in the humor department.

Aub said...

@thecusp: Thank you for understanding. I'm sorry about we both have to be in such a difficult situation. With your positive attitude you won't be struggling long, I'm sure. I'm gonna do my best to try and do the same.

Kat said...

Glad you are back. As much of a suckass situation as it is remember that the suckassness can only last so long. Keep your spirits up and remember we are only a post away for some support.

Aub said...

@Kat: Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hey Aub...I think I might really stink at explaining myself. I was trying to say...I used to be in the exact same position you are in and it was awful...but it was temporary. We are OK right now and things are going well. If you would have told me it was going to end up that way when it was bad I would have told you you were crazy. And...I've had jobs that absolutely sucked and had nothing to do with my actual skill set. But they paid the bills and I actually ended up learning a million things that I still use today.
I hope you will keep posting. I love your blog!

Anonymous said...

I am glad you are back. Heather and LilSass couldn't have said it better. You should NEVER have to justify how you are feeling. I have the hardest time remembering this. I don't want people to ever think of me as a "whiner." But this often causes more trouble than it should. I have found over time that it is better to express how you are feeling than to try to pretend that you are ok, when you are not. It helps just to know that you have support out there. And believe me, we all are 'supportive' of you.

I am glad I can take down the milk carton. Don't make me use my creative skills in that way, again ;).

Anonymous said... better not leave us hanging again. How's it going? What's going on. mentioned fear about looking around for a job. You cannot tell me the interviewing process isn't one of the most bizarre things in the world. A pit of worry for the interviewee sometimes? Yes! Bizarre? Yes! I would love to know how it's going.