Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Sir Francis Food Lion, Duke of Dumbtat

The danger of telling your children they CAN'T get that fad-ish haircut...or have those $200 shoes (that don't feature velcro strapping or kangaroo logo)...or you won't buy them an authentic NFL team Starter jacket...or let them get their ears (or possibly nose) pierced is...

(see picture)

...that they'll be too immature to understand that you're trying to teach them the value of money and not spoil them with petty, needless shit...then in a fit of "I'll fix their wagon" teen exuberance, they'll go get a large tattoo of an ancient, magical creature etched prominently onto their right arm. Hope - for your child's sake - it's not a liger.

They just may end up being known as Food Lion. Or better yet...Food Dog.


April said...

NNNNNNICE! Lol! I still remember the look on Papa's face when you came home with that shit! Hee hee hee... "Aubrey, there'll come a day when you regret this..." Food LION!!!

Anonymous said...

Does this mean you'll be doing something about food prices? Getting rid of that terrible 'paper or plastic' question? Better yet, getting rid of that stupid sign some grocery stores now have up that says 'paper or plastic is a rude question...just let us know what you want'? Anything? Do we get anything from the Food Lion?

Lil Sass said...

Oh man that Food Dog is WAY better than my ex's tattoo that said "trust no bitch" and looked like it was made in prison with a bic pen. Yeah, DGMS!

Thanks for sharing

Aub said...


Yeah, the look on poor Pops' face almost made forever being known as Food Lion/Dog worth it.


As Food Lion/Dog I can't promise you low prices or not to ask irritating bagging questions. That's not our business model. I can promise to go on being a walking Food Lion advertisement until my right arm is chewed off by angry weiner dogs.


No problemo. Lol @ your ex's tattoo. You can't be serious. I guess the chicas know where he stands on trust issues at least, lol.

Badass Geek said...

At least you have a good story to go with it. The story I have about my first tattoo isn't the greatest.

Kat said...

It isn't THAT bad *giggles*

Anonymous said...

I don't think the fact that you want to be Lion-O really helps the whole nickname issue.

Lola said...

Ahh, yes, the tattoos that you want to take back. That's why my skin is virgin territory when it comes to the ink.

Hopefully, letting my kid get mohawks and whatever punk-ass shit makes him happy will keep him from having a giant skull tat on his arm.

Nice arm, though!

Aub said...

@Badass Geek:

I still want to hear the story.


Lol. Thanks.


Haha, you remebered that? Lol, maybe there was something going on subconsciously when I walked into the parlor on that fateful day.


What if he got a big heart with the word "mother" across it, lol? I remember seeing those in the old-school movies and cartoons.

Anonymous said...

Dude! How could I forget?! I laughed my ass off about that.

www.startswithanx.com said...

So, that's why I have a tattoo ...
My junior high mascot was the liger. My bf thinks that's awesome.

Aub said...


Yes indeedy, I only wish there were more of us Thundercats affecianados, lol.


Rofl. Ligers!? I think that's pretty frickin awesome too. Go, Ligers, GO!!!

Heather said...

WOOHOO! Look at that arm! Sexxxy.
Hey I see some potential with that tattoo. You could have some more stuff done to it to make it look less like the Food Lion. Maybe have it dancing with a Unicorn or something, with rainbows and butterflies in the background.
Really, maybe actually have a shield placed behind it? I don't think it's a bad looking tattoo. We don'thave Food Lion stores in my area, so I only sort of know what you're talking about anyway.

Aub said...


Yeah, I'm drinkin' milk, lol. I only remember Food Lion from when I lived in Virginia when I was a kid. I definitely should do something with it since it's not going anywhere. Maybe the shield with a streaming banner below that says "Bugers...Beer...Boobs"in Latin.

Miss Grace said...


Aub said...


That's not quite what my dad thought, lol.

Employee No. 3699 said...

Found you through Badass Geek. My kids don't have any tattoos, but my daughter, at the lovely age of 12, decided to pierce her own belly button and dye her hair purple to piss me off. Nice. Now she's got kids of her own and I've given her the curse. You know the one; I hope you have kids just like you. Hehe.

Aub said...

@ Employee no. 3699:

Nice to meet you, 3699! Badass is the man, so you're automatically cool by association. I'm definitely gonna swing by and see what's going on in your world.

Your daughter did that at 12!?!?

Wow! I waited all the way up til the day of my 18th birthday to pull the tattoo thing. Man, I was a weenie compared to your daughter.

I don't think I could deal with a teen version of me. Maybe I'll just adopt an adult or something.

13/8/08 2:47 PM

meleah rebeccah said...

Thanks for your awesome comment about the love for my Apple Computer Video on Employee No 3699's blog! Cheers From one Enthusiast to another!

Aub said...

@Meleah Rebeccah:

Well, your video was awesome. You should seriously be getting Apple checks in the mail every month (maybe you are already?).

A pleasure to meet'ya, Meleah Rebeccah!

Anonymous said...

Like the new picture!

Aub said...


Thanks, Sus! I figured it was time to give the page a slight tweak. That picture never gets old if you ask me, lol. Glad you dig it too.