Monday, July 7, 2008

Weekend Wrapup

Continued Northern California cigarette flipping and whisper-like winds have once again brought toxic, cough-inducing smokiness to Sacramento. It's like Groundhog Day around here sometimes, I swear.

But anyhow, I'm in a serious state of mental and physical recovery today. This also seems to be a (weekly) recurring theme in my life. Perhaps I should go back to just burning the candle at both ends on Sundays as opposed to throwing the whole damn thing in a hot oven.

Over the course of this past weekend I endured several seemingly minor physical/mental stresses that are now manifesting themselves in an aching case of the Mondays, to include:

Helping a buddy that has already moved about 11 times in the past two years haul his various belongings (including an Olympic weight set) to his new (temporary) house Friday morning after a night in which I had...

Inflicted massive amounts of harm upon my unsuspecting kidneys and liver with a variety of tasty, liquid dehydrators (Hooray beer!)...which continued up until Sunday when I...

Became probably the first person in history to take a vicious, ESPN highlights-worthy charge at first base to help seal a hard-fought victory--in a kickball game--after which I...

Reveled in the coolness of my dubious talent for staying conscious without adequate sleep--after three wild days--while ignoring my body's desperate requests for naps the whole while. But not before I...

Was pulled over by an overzealous agent of local law enforcement, who proceeded to accuse me of driving while talking on my cell phone when I really wasn't.

And I honestly hadn't used my phone all day. I don't get that many calls. It's a simple matter of me not being that cool. I was actually resting my half-conscious, bruised and throbbing head by propping it on my hand, which of course, was supported by my elbow which itself was propped on the passengers seat. Johnny Law apparently wasn't buying this explanation...initially.

It didn't help matters that my cell phone was lying within arms length in the passengers seat, but that shouldn't matter when you REALLY WEREN'T USING YOUR CELL PHONE.

"Do you know why I pulled you over, Sir?"

"No Sir, I don't."

"I pulled you over because you were driving while talking on your cell phone."

"No Sir, I wasn't."

[Exhaling angrily] "I saw you driving with your hand up next to your ear. Are you trying to tell me I'm lying?"

"No, Sir, I wouldn't do're the law, Sir."

And I did go on to explain the head resting scenario, but apparently when he heard "you're the law, Sir" he grew a big rubbery one and all likelihood of any wrongdoing on my part was thrown right out the window. He walked back to his patrol car and made a big show of going over my licence and registration, but I knew I was cleaner than Oprah's (post) dinner plate.

"Well, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt, Mr. Henry."

"I really wasn't on my phone."

[sighing] "Just keep your hand away from your ear until the new cell phone law calms down."

Maybe he should just calm down. The stress brought on by visions of a possible nightstick beating along with the various bumps and bruises I collected throughout the weekend have put me in an odd state. I'm honestly a bit elated to get back to the dull routine of work.

Finally, I can get some rest and relaxation in before I have to go back to weekend.


April said...

Lol! Yeah they got cops staked out something serious around here also. New revenue potential, I tell ya! Next time, just show em your call log and times =)

Miss Grace said...

Once I was driving back to Chico after I had been traveling for work for approximately 32 hours straight, and I had to pull over because I was going to fall asleep at the wheel and die. I don't know if you can pull someone over who already IS pulled over, but that's sort of what happened. And he gave me a really hard time about being "suspicious" until I finally asked him to spell out what, exactly, was I supposed to do? And he said, "Well ma'am, you're supposed to pull over to the side of the road." "Um. Right." "Okay, have a safe night!"

Sus said...

Ha! Maybe you should drive with one hand on the wheel and the other one flippin' off the rest of the world. That way, they will be damn sure you aren't talking on your cell phone.

Aub said...

Ya know what? That's a good idea. And it completely sums up my opinion on cops of the douche-tastic variety.